Cold War Chronicles: The Headcases
Tatiana Groshkova vs. Vanessa Atler
Both these gymnasts were throwing the hardest tricks and were among the most promising athletes out there, but never made it to the big-time stage because of inconsistency. Groshkova only made it to the European Championships and Atler, pegged as THE American hope for Sydney never made it past the World Championships.
Tanya
Tatiana
“The young protégé of Elvira Saadi”, Tatiana, had the misfortune of competing for the Soviets in the 1989-1992 quad, when the Soviets were strong. And I mean STRONG. The Soviets had an over-abundance of talent those days, with athletes like Boguinskaia, Laschenova, Strazheva, Dudnik, Lyssenko, Kalinina, Gutsu… you get the picture. They all had difficulty, grace, and consistency. But that doesn’t mean that Tatiana wasn’t perhaps one of the best gymnasts to ever grace the floor mat. When she was on, she was ON. If she hit on beam or floor she was by far the best. She was fantastically artistic AND had world class difficulty. Here’s some highlights of her routines:
Floor:
- Double full-in back-out (best skill ever, and I believe is much harder than a normal double-double)
- Double layout (alternate element for her double full-in)
- Whip to immediate double back, or a double back punch front
- Dismounted with a full-in piked.
- She also had amazing choreography, flexibility, and a really great 1-1/2 spin in attitude right into a back walkover.
Here’s one of her floor routines- perhaps the best floor routine in history:
Beam:
- Bhs-full-twisting layout
- Sideways bhs (later named the Tousek) to Yurchenko loop
- Dismounted bhs-bhs-full-in.
- Here as well she had great leaps, choreography, style, flexibility, and a beautiful mount.
Here’s a beam routine from her- also perhaps one of the very best beam routines in history:
Bars:
- Gienger
- Toe-on to 1-1/2 twists on lower bar (not sure what to call it)
- Comaneci salto
- Dismounted a full-in
Maybe not her best event, but still very good, fast, and difficult:
Vault:
- She didn’t stand out here, but had a nice full twisting yurchenko, and it was plenty difficult for the time.
Overall an AMAZING gymnast. She’s definitely one of my all time favorites. If she could’ve gotten it together and hit all her routines, she would’ve been unbeatable. Unfortunately, I think her routines were simply too difficult for her to compete with consistency.
Vanessa
Vanessa Atler
Vanessa was supposed to be the shining star for the US in the 1997-2000 quad. Unfortunately for her, this quad still emphasized the all-around. Vanessa was world class until she met the bars. She always seemed to crack on the bars, and it ultimately kept her off the 2000 US Olympic squad. But maybe that was lucky for her, because that squad was really an embarrassment, especially after the Magnificent 7.
Many fans revere her as one of America’s best gymnasts. She was well liked for her blend of artistry and power. I tend to think that she wasn’t all that artistic, but pretty good for an American I guess. I just never liked her floor routines the same way others did. She tried to be more balletic than she was capable of in my opinion. Her movements seemed spastic and didn’t always fit the music.
BUT Vanessa too had some great difficulty:
Vault:
- On vault Vanessa competed a double twisting Yurchenko and a Rudi:
Beam:
- Punch front mount
- BHS-BHS-Layout (straight)
- Punch front
- Double back dismount
Bars:
This event just tended to be a disaster, so I’ll just post a routine:
Floor:
- Double layout – punch front – stag leap
- Whip – double pike
- Triple twist
Here she wins the 1998 Goodwill Games Floor EF (I think Amanar should’ve won, considering they had about equal dance, and Amanar had four great tumbles, but I guess she’ll just has to settle for 2 Olympic medals on floor…)
My Two Cents
I love, love, love Tatiana Groshkova. It’s a shame that she didn’t compete up to the level of her difficulty. She’s just absolutely gorgeous in every way. I love her style, her crazy insane moves, her finesse, her lovely dance, her everything. Her beam and floor are easily among my top 5 favorite routines ever. I just really don’t think that Atler was ever in the same league. I do think that Atler was good, and it’s really too bad that she couldn’t do bars, because the US definitely needed someone as good as her for their “team” in Sydney.
There’s no doubt about it, Atler was good, but I never got that special something from her performances. They never stood out to me or wowed me the same way someone like Groshkova did. The first time I saw Groshkova’s double twisting full-in my jaw literally dropped. I just kept re-watching her beam and floor routines over and over because they were THAT good. Atler was impressive, but nothing that made me hit replay.
Lena
Introducing the Cold War Chronicles, Gymnastika Edition
The Best of the Best Against, Well the Best of Our Best
We all sat through history class and learned about the cold war. If you remember anything, then you’ll know that sports provided the perfect opportunity for these battling political systems to duke it out in the public eye. Nations, especially the communist ones, thought that by winning sports medals, they could prove the superiority of their system.
So that’s why I’ve decided to start a series called the “Cold War Chronicles”, where I will compare and pit gymnasts from communist and former communist states (ie Russia, USSR, Romania) against their American counterparts. I warn you now, this may be brutal.
Now I’m not a supporter of war, but I enjoy a little competition as much as the next guy, so a little cold war gymnastics drama is always good fun.
Now get ready for a Soviet smackdown!
Lena
Gymnastics Films
Documentaries
Soviet Union, Russia, and Ukraine:
Looks at the 2004 Olympics. In depth interview and footage of Anna. Three parts, Russian language.
1987 documentary following the gymnasts coached by Elvira Saadi (former Soviet olympic medallist). Features a young Tatiana Groshkova. Russian language with English subtitles. Somewhat poor sound quality, but worth watching.
“Close Up”: 1989 European Championships
Looks at the experiences of the gymnasts (not all Soviet) at the Brussels European Championships. Features footage both in and out of the arena. I believe it is Dutch language.
Focuses on Lilia Podkopayeva, looking both at her gymnastics career and post-gymnastics career (from 2006). Ukrainian/Russian language.
Ludmilla Tourischeva Documentary
Follows Tourischeva’s career. Russian language.
Footage of Natalia training and talking about training. Also revered for soundtrack. Russian language.
Critical look at the Soviet system shortly after the fall of the USSR. Features interviews with former gymnasts, and looks at Tatiana Groshkova’s training. Looks into Elena Mukhina’s injury. Hosted by Frank Gifford in English language.
Follows Olga’s life in gymnastics and post-gymnastics career. British English (English subtitles with Russian interviews.
Documentary on Olga’s training gymnastics career. Russian language (no subtitles).
Looks at Olga’s life and gymnastics career. Russian language.
History of the battle between Russian and Romanian gymnasts. Covers from Soviet/Nadia era to present day (2004-2005). Features training and competition footage. French language.
Slomannie Kukolka (“Broken Dolls”)
About the Russian training System. Looks at flaws in the system and focuses on the injury of Maria Zasypkina. Includes interviews with Russian gymnasts such as Svetlana Khorkina and Anna Pavlova. Russian language (Starts at part II, there appears to be no part I).
Svetlana Khorkina Documentary (2003)
A look at Khorkina’s career over the years up until 2003. Interviews, training footage, and competition footage. In Russian, one 30 min segment.
1978 Soviet Documentary: “You in Gymnastics”
Focuses on training of the Soviet team. Great footage of Elena Mukhina and worth watching. Russian language.
1983 Soviet Gymnastics Documentary: “Inside the Gym”
Looks into the training and competition of Soviet gymnasts of the time. Focuses on MAG and WAG. Great look at Natalia Yurchenko. Originally Russian language, features English commentary. Watch in full here, or in parts on YouTube.
1986 Soviet Gymnastics Training at CSKA
Home video from a rare day when cameras were allowed into the Soviet’s gym. Intense floor training where the coach is right in the gymnast’s face. 9 parts.
A rare day when cameras were allowed in Round Lake. Watch in multiple parts on YouTube here or in full here.
1992 Soviet Training Documentary
Looks at Round Lake presumably before the 1992 Olympics. Shows portions from the Olympics compared with training. Features WAG and MAG. French language (gymnast interviews in Russian with French subtitles).
A home video of the teams (US and mainly USSR) practicing and warming up before the meet. Includes Laschenova, Lyssenko, Gutsu, Chusovitina, Miller, Zmeskal and many others.
Romania:
From the mid-eighties. Features Nadia coaching, and shows Silivas. Five parts, British English narration.
Follows the team preparation for Beijing. Looks at Deva, both training in the gym and life outside it. Explores the new culture and freedom in Romania, also focusing on the new coaches (Forminte, who was recently replaced by Belu & Bitang). Eight parts, in Romanian with English subtitles
Two parts, training from the 2003 Romania vs. France competition.
Romanians in the 1984 Olympics
Features the Romanians from the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. English commentary, four parts.
From 2004, includes training from past and present. Three parts, in Romanian with English subtitles.
Follows the current Romanian gymnast Raluca Haidu at age 8-9 and her teammate Malina Savoaia at 9-10 years old. Looks into the training of young gymnasts at Deva. Romanian language with English subtitles.
Follows Milo’s preparation for Atlanta. Focuses on Milo’s maturing and changing body, and the fight against time (and puberty) in gymnastics. Looks at the physics of gymnastics. Done by the Discovery Channel in English.
China:
A story of 8 Chinese girls and Russia’s Svetlana Khorkina. Focuses on the battle between Khorkina and chinese bar workers. Chinese language with an English translation in the description box.
Follows Cheng Fei up to the 2008 Olympics. In four parts in Chinese language. The poster has included a thorough English translation for each part in the description box.
In depth look at Liu Xuan. Three parts in Chinese.
Rare look at this gymnast in four parts. French language with Dutch subtitles.
Includes training and competition footage. In four parts in Chinese language with English subtitles.
Looks inside the Chinese training system. Follows Jin Yang’s bid for the Beijing Olympics. From the Discovery Channel in three parts.
USA:
Interviews and footage of the Magnificent 7. Made in the 2000s. In English, five parts.
From 1986, about Bela Karolyi and his athletes he had coached. Two parts, English.
Discovery Channel documentary focused on biomechanics of gymnastics. Features Parkettes gymnasts and Mary Lou Retton.
“Going Deep” With Vanessa Atler
A 1999 look at Vanessa Atler’s Olympic prospects before Sydney. Also looks at Dominique Moceanu’s emancipation. It’s a criticism of gymnastics focusing on the long hours of training, restriction of food, and delay of puberty.
Two parts, about Tim Daggett and Kristie Phillips.
Nastia Liukin – America’s Olympic Glory Documentary
A look at Nastia’s win in the All-Around.
A six-part CNN documentary on Parkettes in Pennsylvania.
Footage of Olympic gymnasts from the the beginning up until Barcelona. Five parts, British English.
Shannon Miller – “Life in the Gym”
1995, looks at Shannon Miller training in the gym with Steve Nunno. ”Rare” footage.
Looks at the training system of Texans. Training footage. One part.
Miscellaneous:
“Gymnastics in the Summer Olympics”
About the olympic history of artistic gymnastics (men and women’s) from 1956 to 1996. 16 parts, in French.
2001, featuring Sara Moro, Elena Gomez, Laura Martinez, Esther Moya, and others. In spanish.
From the poster: “A State of Mind is a 2004 documentary film [that] follows two North Korean child gymnasts and their families for over eight months during training for the 2003 Pyongyang mass games.” Eight parts with English.
Feature Films
A 1986 gymnastics film with Keanu Reeves (before he was famous). Also called “Flying”.
Rated 17th worst movie of ALL TIME. An 80s action-gymnastics-karate film featuring Kurt Thomas. He has to get in to “Parmistan” and put in some satellite, but there’s ninjas stopping him, so he uses his gymnastics superpowers. 9 parts on YouTube.
A Soviet film about a gymnast who is injured and has troubles adjusting to normal life. Played by gymnast Svetlana Zaspykina, who in real life was forced to quit because of injuries. A very rare film, the only part available online is the final part. So don’t watch if you want to try and track down the entire film, but it’s hard to do so. In Russian, final part only.
About the pressures of gymnastics. The main gymnast develops anorexia.
A TV movie about Nadia, made in 1984 in America. Somewhat accurate, somewhat ridiculous. Appears to be missing the first part on YouTube.
About a gymnast who goes to train with the best coach, but develops anorexia.
A spy movie also about gymnastics, featuring Kristie Phillips.
2006 “blockbuster” (aka high budget for gymnastics) teen film about a former champion Haley Graham’s return to elite gymnastics. Featuring Jeff Bridges and Missy Peregrym. The main stunt double is Isabelle Severino of France. 11 parts on YouTube.
After School Special: The Gymnast
About a good gymnast who goes to train with the best coaches. Probably modeled after the Karolyis. Decent stunt work for a low budget TV special.
A highly ridiculous TV special about a gymnast (Julianne McNamara) who falls and thinks she is paralyzed.
Informative Montages
Great moments in Romanian gymnastics from Nadia up to recent times.
History of Romanian Gymnastics
Parts 1-4 goes into the history of Romanian gymnastics. Parts 5-7 is about Romanian gymnasts’ life after gymnastics.
Montage of Soviet gymnasts. Part 1 is the faces of Soviet gymnastics. Parts 2-5 explores the different quads. Part 6 is about the successes and part 7 is falls and disappointments. Parts 8-9 are the history of the Soviet program. Part 10-11 is the about the gymnasts’ life after gymnastics.
Helpful guides such as this one show examples of elements from all disciplines, both dance and acrobatics, with name and value in the code. Other such guides go through a certain routine and identify elements, their value and any connection value.
The Rest of the World in the World of Gymnastics
Looks at gymnasts from around the world in different times. This one is about Oksana Chusovitina during her Soviet days. There are also ones about her Uzbekistan and Germany periods.
-Lena
REMINDER: Today is International Dudnik Day!
Celebrate International Dudnik Day Today!
Just a quick reminder that today people all over the globe are celebrating Egypt’s new-found freedom by honoring the hero who started the revolution: Olessia Dudnik, the former Soviet star.
The most common celebratory ritual being performed by individuals everywhere is the eating of the Russian delicacy piroshki. Dudnik started the entire revolution while protesting the freedom to eat piroshki in Egypt. A shipment of piroshki straight from Moscow has been delivered to the club that Dudnik coaches at in Cairo to honor her success.
I urge you to show your support of Dudnik today and go eat piroshki. They’re delicious! I celebrated by going to the Pike Place Market in Seattle and getting a tasty piroshki from “Piroshky Piroshky” (spelling of “piroshky” varies).
Olessia Dudnik in 1989.
Olessia Dudnik in 1989.
Lena <3
Tutorial: Practice Your Gymnastics on Public Transportation
How To Make The Most Out of Your Commute!
So everyday I’m stuck for 2 hours on King County Metro buses. During my commute, I always think about how I’m wasting all this time on the bus that I could be using to prepare for the Olympics. But then I came across this video from a popular French comedian Remi Gaillard. Meet Dorenel Comivoci (Romania):
How to Turn Your Surroundings Into a Gym:
This is like the bus I practice on
- Use the handles and bars on the bus to practice bars! You won’t be able to do any release skills or pirouettes, but the bars work great for conditioning. For longer commutes, split your workout into two parts. For the second part (usually the bus has emptied out) try tumbling down the aisle! The bus moves a lot and is bumpy, so if you can tumble down the aisle I guarantee you’ll be able to tumble on a balance beam! If you get really adventurous, try your dismount sequence to exit the bus.
- Use large stationary objects as a vault horse. Small statues and garbage cans work especially well.
- When you’re out in public waiting around, maybe for the bus, use railings as your beam. It’s good practice because usually the railings are even narrower than the beam, so when you get back on the beam it will feel really wide!
Red Square was originally built as Russia's first National Gymnastics Center
- Public squares can act as great floor mats! Don’t worry about hitting people. Comivoci demonstrates that people will usually get out the way for you. It’s good practice to perform in front of crowds, so do this exercise as much as possible! Red Square in Moscow was actually originally built as Russia’s first National Gymnastics Training Center, but they moved to an indoor facility after several gymnasts died of exposure.
I hope these tips help to get in shape and practice your gymnastics as much as possible!
Obviously Remi Gaillard, our instructor, has been trained to a very high level in gymnastics. You’ll notice his immaculate form across all the events. I’d say it’s better than most American gymnasts’ form. I actually have proof that Remi trained at the Ranch with Bela. At the start of another one of his videos, “Kangaroo”, you’ll notice ostriches and some more of Bela’s animals from the Ranch. So don’t feel bad if it takes time to reach his level.
I personally like to practice on the bus and in Red Square at UW(not the one in Moscow, although I’d love to practice there), what about you? Share your favorite place to practice.
Lena <3
MISSING LINK FOUND: New Evidence Carly Patterson Is Ancient Monkey?
Carly Patterson is Thought to be the Last Ardipithecus on Earth
February 15, 2011—Meet Carly, the “missing link” found in Plano, Texas, that’s created a huge media whirlwind and will likely continue to draw conclusions among those who study human origins.
In new research published earlier this week by paleontologist Pyotr Pavlovskii in the Russian Journal of Genetics Genetika, new evidence points to US gymnast Carly Patterson as an important “missing link” species in primate evolution. Pavlovskii and his team have identified Carly as a real living Ardipithecus, an ancient ancestor of the human that was thought to be long extinct. Pavlovskii and his team say that the discovery of Carly solidifies and proves Darwin’s theory of evolution once and for all.
Monkeys Can’t Do Ballet, Neither Can Carly
Carly can tumble, but is unable to dance.
Pavlovskii says that he first hypothesized Carly was an ardipithecus when he saw her compete in the 2004 Olympics. He explains, “I saw the American girl Carly who beat Russian Svetlana Khorkina on TV. I could not understand how she won, and then I realized that she was not fully human. Carly is more monkey than human you see. I realized that immediately after I saw her floor routine. Monkeys can tumble and jump and swing, but have you ever seen a monkey do ballet? No, because they can’t, and that was what gave Carly away.” Pavlovskii believes that Carly competed so well in gymnastics because “she was completely unaware of what she was doing and ardipithicus can perform monkey-like tricks”.
Pavlovskii explains that he first confirmed that Carly was an ardipithecus after watching Carly’s appearance on the David Letterman show. He says, “[On the show] Carly was easily manipulated and had a small vocabulary. This is very typical of ardipithecus because the ardipithecus ramidus has a small brain. Between her behavior and small size, it was enough evidence for me to get funding to move to Texas and start experiments.”
“The ardipithecus ramidus has a small brain”
The ardipithecus is one of the earliest members of the hominin genus, that also comprises of both humans and the common chimpanzee. Scientists believe both humans and chimpanzees to be direct descendants of the ardipithecus. The most distinguishing characteristic between ardipithecus and humans is the size of the brain. The ardipithecus ramidus has a small brain, measuring between 300 and 350 cm3. Another distinguishing characteristic is the ardipithecus’ small stature, much like that of the average gymnast.
Pavlovskii explains that Carly is what researchers believe may be the last ardipithecus on earth. He says that there is ongoing research to find other ardipithecus. He says an experiment is currently being conducted on another US gymnast Shawn Johnson, who also shows tendencies of the ardipithecus.
Svetlana Khorkina tries to explain what a medal is to Carly Patterson.
Investigations have been conducted on gymnasts all over the world because of their small statures and monkey-like acrobatics, but Pavlovskii says, “In the former and current communist states, all the non-humans have been eliminated. We were hopeful about the Romanians, because the oldest modern human remains in Europe were found there, but apparently Nicolae Ceauşescu rid Romania of it’s last ardipithecus in 1975 after she proved too stupid to follow orders given by her gymnastics coach Bela Karolyi.” This just leaves American gymnasts to be studied, but so far the research has shown great success.
When it was revealed to Carly what she was, she said, “You know, it’s kinda funny that you guys think I’m this ‘missing link’ cause I don’t even believe in evolution. Actually I don’t even know what evolution is… But someone told me it’s not in the Bible so I don’t believe in it. Does it have to do with resurgence? I still don’t know what that means….” Patterson was again told what the word “resurgence” means, but she still appeared to be confused.
Carly does not appear to have processed the news yet. Pavlovskii says that it is unknown how much she will ever comprehend. “I’ve tried to explain nearly 25 times, but she always starts singing the Star-Spangled Banner. She can’t sing the whole song in the same key, and it disturbs my colleagues. We think that her last memory is of standing on the podium in Athens hearing it, which is why she constantly sings it. But back on track, she just doesn’t understand everything” comments Pavlovskii. Watch her sing the national anthem HERE (note key change at “and the rockets red glare…”).
See Carly at the Smithsonian!
After a demonstration for the International Foundation for Science and a 107 city worldwide tour with Pavlovskii and his research team, Carly Patterson will be headed to the Smithsonian, where she will be on display in the Museum of Natural History next to the woolly mammoth. Tickets to see her on tour are already sold out. Lineups outside the Smithsonian have already formed.
Carly is already being called the “Greatest Discovery In Modern Science” by scientists all over the world. Many say that “missing-link” has been found through Carly, and that it proves evolution once and for all. Pavlovskii says, “Scientists worldwide acknowledge evolution to be truth. I believe that after this groundbreaking discovery, evolution will be accepted as truth everywhere.”
And for those of you who are part ardipithecus….
SparkNotes Edition:
- Carly Patterson is an ardipithecus, an ancient monkey that evolved into humans and chimpanzees.
- Ardipithecus have small brains, so Carly can’t comprehend much.
- Carly is the “missing link” which proves Darwin’s theory of evolution.
- In Athens Carly didn’t know what a medal was, and likely didn’t know what was happening.
- Monkeys can’t dance and neither can Carly- therefore she is a monkey.
Bonus:
Watch the floor routine that started the whole investigation! Notice that Carly seems unable to dance and appears to not quite understand where she is and what’s happening.
Well, I hope you learned loads about evolution and Carly! Now, raise a glass to science!
Lena <3
Valentine’s Day Special <3
Look No Further if You Need to Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day!
These Gymnasts are More than Willing to Help
And for all you lonely boys (and girls) out there, these gymnasts have made quite a splash on the porn scene. Check it out!
Dominique Moceanu Goes Gaga
The Magnificent 7 team member Dominique Moceanu still loves the spotlight.
Recently, Dominique released a post-baby(!) Lady Gaga themed soft-core porn video. It features Dominique in skin tight leather/spandex material doing a floor routine to Lady Gaga’s Poker Face and transitions to a beam and rings set where she is accompanied by her former gymnast husband. Towards the end it gets pretty graphic, so if you’re not into porn too much or you’re under 18, please grab a parent before you watch.
“Dominique treats her fans to a post-baby gymnastics routine set to Lady GaGa’s Poker Face/Love Game.” (Taken from Dom’s YouTube Description)
A-Sac’s Ass
So you’ve probably seen A-Sac’s floor routine filled with thigh rubbing and pornographic poses, but have you seen the tribute to her ass? One fan got so excited after watching her that he (I assume it was a he) made an entire tribute video entitled “Alicia Sacramone and her beautiful ass!”
I have one disclaimer though, the ass-shot at 1:03 is actually Carly Patterson, not Alicia Sacramone. You’ll notice the number pinned to her back is from Athens, and if you can recall, A-Sac in fact was not selected to compete in those Olympics. This photo is actually a trademark Carly ass-shot so I was surprised that it was misidentified here. Again, if you are under the age of 18, please watch with parental guidance!
If that didn’t do the trick, then…..
Here’s more sexy gymnasts!:
Sexy Alexei
“Sexy Alexei” (Alexei Nemov) does an awesome high bar routine AND strips!
Here he does an awesome floor routine AND strips (it’s sort of his thing).
Carly and Svetlana’s Feet
For those of you who have a feet fetish this will whet your whistle!
Aurelia Dobre
The beautiful Aurelia posing for Playboy:
Lavinia Milosovici
Milo without the leo.
Svetlana Khorkina
From her 1997 Playboy shoot:
Khokina, topless in Playboy 1997
Well if all these sexy gymnasts didn’t do it for you, then you may need professional help!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Lena <3
Whatever Happened to Kramarenko?
One of Gymnastics Most Tragic Stories
Kramarenko in FX finals in Beijing
Many fans have wondered the same thing: what became of Ekaterina Kramarenko, the Russian gymnast who competed at the 2008 olympics? Shortly after returning to Russia from the olympics, Kramarenko vanished. For months her location was unknown, and rumors of her death circulated. As it turns out, Kramarenko had been exiled to Siberia.
As a member of the 2007 worlds team, Kramarenko made a deadly mistake. During Russia’s last rotation during the team competition, she ran full force down the vault runway then stopped, earning a score of 0.00 and dropping Russia from bronze medal position to last place.
Her mistake cost her a medal and her freedom
An unconsolable Yelena Zamolodchikova was up next on vault, and managed to vault a perfect yurchenko double twist through bitter tears of disappointment. It seems that Yelena could not forgive Kramarenko for ruining her last world championships, and became even more furious when Ekaterina earned a spot over her on the Beijing olympic squad. So Yelena put in a call to friend and former teammate Svetlana Khorkina. She says, “It was worst moment of life! I want to kill Ekaterina, but instead I call Sveta.”
Frigid Siberia
Khorkina, now a Deputy for the Russian State Duma, used her connections to arrange for the Russian mafia to move Kramarenko to an unknown location in Siberia. The Russian mafia is holding her for ransom at 29,326,800 rubles (approximately $1,000,000 USD). Her family has been unable to come up with the money. Svetlana says, “Ekaterina mess up for Russia. She deserve to be punished. It’s normal. If zis still Soviet Union, she be dead ze second she put hand on vault!”
Investigators believe that the mafia may be holding Kramarenko in one of Stalin’s former gulags. Recent reports indicate that Kramarenko is doing fine, but has lost two toes and a finger due to frostbite. It is still unknown when and if Kramarenko will be released.
Join the Kramarenko Rescue Team today!
I know that Kramarenko messed up in 2007, but I love her too much to let her suffer. She was one of the most lovely gymnasts at the olympics, and I loved her floor. So help her today by joining the Kramarenko Recue team! We’re working tirelessly to get her out of Siberia.
Hold on Kram! We love you, even if your teammates don’t!
Lena
Nastia Intends To Become Twilight Vampire
Nastia Liukin Says That She Will Be Changed 3 Months Prior to the Olympics
Nastia Liukin, 2008 Olympic gold medalist says that she has a new plan for her comeback to elite gymnastics. She announced to fans over twitter that she will be changing into a vampire before the next olympics.
Nastia says becoming a vampire will be even better than her pink leo!
“I got the idea when I was reading my favorite book series, Twilight. It’s about a bunch of really hot vampires and this girl Bella, and then one vampire named Edward falls in love with Bella and then they have sex and he gets her pregnant and changes her into a vampire.” said the Texas native. She adds, “I think it’s a really good idea, probably the best I’ve had since wearing my pink leo. Because when you become a vampire you’re really strong, and you get more athletic, so it’s like taking steroids, except I checked, and there’s no rules against becoming a vampire in any of the FIG or IOC rules.”
Neither the FIG Nor the IOC Prohibits Vampires from Competing
Valeri Liukin, Nastia’s dad and coach stated, “I support Nastia 100% on this. At first we not too sure Nastia could come back. She gained so much weight, but I think being a vampire will help. She also can keep competing because she’ll stop getting older, so maybe she will be the next Chusovitina, except not old.”
Nastia says that she’ll make the “change” about 3 months before the olympics so that she’ll be in peak shape for the games. Meanwhile Nastia is trying to prepare for life as a vampire, but she says that this means she can’t really devote herself to gymnastics much. When asked about how the change will be made, Nastia said, “Oh, well I talked to a Cullenism chapter, and they said that they will contact Edward, and he’ll change me. I can’t wait, because I love Edward. My boyfriend Evan Lysacek also really loves Edward, so he’s coming to meet him too! And no he doesn’t love Twilight because he’s gay.”
I wish Nastia all the luck, and hope that her plan works. I personally do not believe in vampires, but maybe Nastia knows something that I don’t. I find both Twilight and its fans to be disturbing, but that’s quite understandable, because I feel similar about Nastia and her fans. Maybe she’ll lose the super large forehead if she becomes a vamp?
Lena <3
Age Controversy: Chusovitina Accused of Falsifying Birthdate
Not Just the Chinese Lie About Ages
The 2008 Beijing Olympics seemed to revolve around the age controversy over the Chinese gymnasts. But three years later, even more shocking news about competitor Oksana Chusovitina, who won a silver on vault, has emerged.
Chuso was actually 35 here.
A new birth certificate has come out of Uzbekistan records recently, showing that Chusovitina was indeed born in 1973, not 1975, meaning she was actually age 35 at the olympics, not 33. FIG officials are not yet sure whether she will be stripped of her 12 world and olympic medals, some from as early as 1991. Nellie Kim of the FIG says that “it is not as clear what to do in this case, because she was claiming to be younger, usually age falsifying is seen in underage gymnasts claiming to be older.” Most likely Chusovitina will get to keep her medals because so many in the gymnastics world respect her for competing at the elite level for over 20 years.
Oksana was actually 35 at the olympics
Oksana says that her age was first falsified when she competed for the former Soviet Union, because they didn’t want everyone to think she was too old for gymnastics. Chusovitina claimed, “They wouldn’t put me on Barcelona team since I 19. They say everyone think I too old for gymnastika. See we already have old lady Boginskaya on team. But I say, make age say 17, no one will know, so they did, and I been two years younger ever since.”
Oksana is still competing today, and hopes to make it to London 2012. She recently said, “Maybe I go to Rio deJaneiro 2016 too! I only be 43!” Most gymnasts are around the ages 16-18 when they compete at the elite level, but Chusovitina says she likes being the only middle aged gymnast, “You see I scare most little girls cause I so old. It fun. I say, ‘I remember when I go to first Olympics. You not even born yet!’ They intimidated cause I win olympic gold before they even walk.”
Chusovitina says she will begin competing under her original birthdate this upcoming season.
Here’s what other gymnasts had to say:
“Wow, that just makes what she did even more incredible.” - Anna Pavlova
“Does this mean that I’ll get a medal??” - Alicia Sacramone
“Wow, I hope I’m still have hair when I’m 35…” – Carly Patterson
“I hope I still have the same birthday when I’m 33! That would just be confusing. Chow? Did we ever change my birthday??” – Shawn Johnson
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